Chapter one, part one: The Legend of the Goddess
In the beginning, the elves thought that they were alone. They lived on the wide, sweeping plains of Onsira, where they built their villages and lived quiet lives. In those days, they hunted the deer that fed on the lush grass; those near small patches of woodland speared wild boars for their supper. All in all, it was an idyllic life, but to some of the elves, it seemed to be missing something. For ages, they simply farmed the land and did their hunting, never knowing what it was they were missing.
…Until the day came that someone found her.
It was a warm day in the springtime, the old legends say, when a group of hunters entered the forest, chasing after a deer that was desperate to escape the spear-points wielded by the elves. They divided their forces in order to surround the animal, and snuck through the bushes to encircle it. Shiir, one of the members of that hunting party, crouched beside his older brother, peering through the leaves as he searched for the deer.
“It is lost to us!” he whispered, only to be hushed by his brother.
The older boy gestured for Shiir to follow him, and they moved deeper into the forest. The canopy above grew thick, and the woods were dark and cool, quiet but for the sounds of a few birds. The smell of the rich, fertile soil below them we far more apparent as they waited, focused on catching the deer should it pass by them.
Then for a long time, nothing happened. Their long ears picked up no sounds but those of the birds and the faint rustle of the leaves.
Shiir was ready to tell his brother that their dinner was gone when the bushes across from them shook, and a tall, mighty stag dashed towards them. The brothers clutched their spears tightly and prepared to lance it when it was close enough. Two arrows pierced through the air without warning, and Shiir’s brother pulled him out of their path. They missed the stag, which turned sharply to its left and headed deeper into the woods.
“You missed it!” one of the hunters groaned and he and the archer stepped out of the same bushes where the stag had come from.
“I had never seen them run that fast,” the archer replied, defending himself. Then he looked down at Shiir and his brother. “Your first hunt is not going so well.”
“It is not only me that this hunt is not working out for,” Shiir told him as he shrugged.
The archer gave a light-hearted laugh. “For a moment, I was sure that losing the deer and finding the stag was going to be a great boon!”
“We can still catch it,” the other hunter stated, his words empty of any humor. He started walking in the direction that the stag had gone. “We have to catch something for the village if we expect to eat tonight.”
As Shiir, his brother and the archer began to follow him, the other two spearmen in their group arrived, and followed along. They spoke in hushed voices as the crept between the oaks and elms, careful not to get stuck on the bushes. They decided to sent Shiir to scout ahead, knowing that he was small and quiet; he could follow the stag and signal where he was when the time was right for an attack.
Hiya, now I am not a reader, I am a listener, most book that I read are read to me as due to health problems I cannot concentrate with a book in had so I get talking books. That doesn’t mean I cannot read, I read very well but short term 1 or 2 pages are enough for me. Saying that I read the hunting scene and the over all background description was good, I could smell the forest with the fertile ground, but the way you wrote I didn’t know if they were hunting boar or stag. I have an interest in Elves, fairies and all things magical, Elves they mainly live by the rules of Mother Nature and would never take a stag(buck) as they were fewer so they needed them to make sure that there were plenty of babies. Also hunting wild pig is either done by trap or spear from up a tree as wild pig are nasty pieces of work, even more so injured.
Try and stay away from Lord of the rings, as its already been done spoilt by Hollywood. I have read or listened to stories with Elves and the like in and its very Tolkienish so my mind wanders back to the Rings trilogy. Its like no one can write about a boy wizard for being criticised for jumping on the boy wizard bandwagon.
Back to your story, slightly confused how many came out after the stag to meet the two brothers, would have liked more of a description of the village, the houses and the layout, does it have a pub, if so what does it serve, is there a mayor, I could get a better idea who the Elves are, how tall, social interaction stull like that, I was left wanting more info, or descriptive text so I can build up the place in my imagination. One last thing the line ‘Until the day came that someone found her’ came far to early as I forgot about it by the end.
You keep writing, tell me when you have more to read and I promise I will. Let me know at http://www.mysoresoul.co.uk and you will find a contact form 🙂
I am working on photographs I took as part of a fashion shoot and one of them is based on a fairy.
Wow, thank you for such a thorough response! I really appreciate you taking the time to reply to what I have written. I will reply to a couple parts of your message for now, and then come back to add more later. I don’t know how much of the serial number you read, but so far my culture is very primitive. The elves live in a close-knit community that is more or less together.. That said, they do have elders, but not a marriage. There is no pub since this is a very ancient part of the culture.
As for what they were hunting… Usually the elves will take a boar, but of course they will take whatever they can get; they have not quite figured out traps yet in this time period, but they do have spears, knives and arrows. There are some cultures that don’t eat certain animals, so I was just presenting an idea of what the elves might consume. This story takes place in a very ancient time in their history, when they were just beginning to form sedentary villages, so they had few restrictions about their diet; being able to catch an animal was hard enough. Some cultures do hold deer as sacred, but these elves are not such a culture.
I like that you pointed out Tolkien, and you’re right; new writers do not need to be copying. His elves have very particular characteristics, and once you get more into my world, you will see that mine are very differnt. My elves are very diverse in size, appearance and demeanor. Since there are no humans on Lorata, it’s the elves who branch out into all different types. In my serial novel, I start off in very ancient times, and all the time before chapter one is when the elves are nomadic, or starting to settle down, and they’re still trying to understand the wold in which they live. They have only rudimentary spiritual beliefs at this point. That’s why it’s going to be so interesting to see how they react when the goddess makes herself known to them.
Looking back at your post, I think you’ve only read this one part, which is completely fine. Later on, in chapter three, I give more detailed descriptions of the village. As a writer, I carefully plan out what I say and when I say it, and in chapter one I focus on the hunt. The brothers are part of that hunting party. Thank you for pointing it out, though. I will go back and see what I can do to clarify that fact.
Please keep reading, if you liked the first part. I link to part one of chapter one, but if you go through my tags and categories, you will find the next part. Thank you for everything, and feel free to share the story with others!
Hiya, Thanks for your response, I will keep reading, you have me hooked. I love your imagination, please don’t let modern living hold back on your imagination. I used to write, one of the stories I used to write weekly for a 8 year old boy who is autistic. His mum used to have a problem with motivating him for school on a Monday so I would write and email his mum with a part, she printed it and put it in a golden envelope and left it as by magic at the bottom of the stair, this gave him an incentive to get up and then the story would be taken to school and it was read to the class.
The story was about a young boy called Christopher which was the same name as the 8 year old, When Christopher was sleeping the wooden spoon from the kitchen would come to life wake him up and take him to a world where he is to be the next King, but he had to travel through different kingdoms meeting different characters. Doing it this way, the story could in reality just go on and on. The reason for the spoon is the 8 year old would use a tea spoon and it would be placed on the back of his hand when he had to focus when people spoke to his or was given an instruction. The story included characters with names he recognised, like his sister, we also had Big Mama which he called his mother because she was a large women up top. I wrote for many months, but like adults his mother and I had a disagreement and the internet is ideal place to distant yourself from people and this is what happened. Christopher must be around 13 or 14 now. I was going to carry on but I lost a hard drive and the story………Life eh!!
I have been thinking of getting back to writing but my head has to be in the right place and busy coping with life at the moment but I will one day.
You keep going rain or shine and have fun doing it. 🙂
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